How Do I Get My Ex Back

Did you know that there are time-tested, proven ways to build trust in a relationship? Very often what makes a good relationship are not the things that we think of first. For instance, many people think that they need to add “spice” to the relationship. Wrong! Studies have proven that predictability is a more important indicator of a solid relationship than variety. That doesn’t mean that variety is a bad thing or should be avoided in certain aspects of your life. It just means that stability is something that we as human beings get used to. For example a wife may get used to her husband coming home at a certain time and if he doesn’t arrive home by that time she starts thinking about the reasons why. The reasons may be completely innocent (and usually are), but it’s that sudden break in a set pattern that that causes our human nature to become suspicious.

Another important way of building trust in a relationship is consistency in message, that is, that your words match your deeds. We’ve all heard the saying “actions speak louder than words”. Well if your actions are providing a different message than your words it is natural that this would tension and suspicion on the part of your partner. Each partner needs to be able to trust the other. It’s a cornerstone of any relationship.

Next, you need to have a fundamental belief in the capabilities and competencies of your partner. For example what happens if your husband loses his job? Do you have confidence that he is cable of getting another one? Does his educational background and job history indicate that his personality and skill set are in demand? If you have doubts about the capabilities of your partner being a consistent breadwinner you may start to have doubts about the relationship as a whole. For stay-at-home moms, the thought of having to enter the workforce to support the family when the husband loses his job can be extremely frightening.

Don’t keep secrets. Put quite simply, secret destroy the trust in any relationship. Always be open and honest about what’s going on in your life. Make the assumption that eventually everything will come out. Because it probably will. We all screw up at some point, but when we lie to try to cover it up, very often the damage caused by the lie ends up being worse than the damage that would’ve been caused by telling the truth in the first place (any number of politicians can vouch for the truth of this point). If you are the type of person who keeps secrets, or tells lies, you know that it takes a tremendous amount of energy to keep your secrets and lies straight, particularly if you’re telling different stories to different people.

Lastly, simply be yourself. The person that your partner fell in love with is the person that they want. Of course it’s true that we all change over time, but our fundamental values shouldn’t and that’s what keeps a relationship on solid ground. If you have always had have a good sense of humor and suddenly become more serious all the time, that type of change is not what your partner is looking for because this could indicate to them that maybe something deeper is going on that they don’t know about. Be true to yourself, be true to your fundamental values, and your relationship will usually stay on solid ground.

For more information on strengthening your relationship, visit How Do I Get My Ex Back Fast.

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This entry was posted on Monday, February 9th, 2009 at 4:13 pm and is filed under Breakup, Get Ex Back. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.